Stop worrying about others’ opinions. Instead, start thinking about yourself.
Where I come from, it is a very common trait to give a lot of importance to what opinions our close ones and sometimes the not so close people hold about our actions. This itself is not anything new. Societies and cultures across the globe have this fallacy to varying degrees.
While there are instances where we actively seek out the opinions of others, mostly these pieces of advice are unwarranted. Nevertheless, often we find ourselves lost in this habit of granting others the power to have influence over us. We start to double guess all our decisions and in extreme cases, can lose our peace of mind.
Situations like these often made me wonder whether it was at all worth worrying so much about other’s opinions. Turns out, the answer is no. Very few things, if any at all, are worth our sanity.
That’s why being a little selfish is actually not a bad idea.
While it is essential to pay heed to the advice given by our well-wishers, it is not necessary to take into account what everyone says. In fact, this is a behavior that feeds itself in the worst possible way. The more we listen to others, the more we validate the fact that it is okay for people to have opinions about things that do not really concern them.
So stop worrying about others’ opinions and start thinking about yourself.
This does not mean that you start being outright rude. Rather you just start looking at your priorities. Begin with the small choices and move forward from there.
But remember that this will not be an easy thing to do. Especially if you have already lived a considerable part of your life by giving weight to others’ opinions. However, once you start treading this path, you most likely will find happiness.
How do you get started on this path?
It is never easy to make changes, especially behavioral ones. And in this case, the change comes with confronting others. But fret not. It is not required of you to do anything dramatic to get started on this path. Here are some ways that you can start making your wishes a priority over other’s unsolicited opinions
1. First, ask why do you listen to opinions at all?
Is it because of habit? From childhood, most of us are taught to listen to our elders because they know better. Some times this continues well into our adult lives and we keep on giving importance to people just because they are older to us. But it might not be true anymore.
Ask yourself why do you care. And answer that question truthfully. A lot of the dilemma gets resolved with an honest answer to this question itself.
2. Do you really care about what others think of you?
This one is tricky. By caring about and following the opinions of other people, are you seeking validation?
As human beings, looking for validation is very common. It is necessary as well. Validation, in its healthy form, lays the foundation for other factors like motivation. But like everything else, too much hankering for it is detrimental.
So, if your reason for caring about others’ opinions is based on this factor, then you probably need to introspect.
3. Start with the small things first
Making any kind of transition becomes easier if we start with the small things first. Start by tackling the minor decisions rather than diving headfirst into the bigger life choices.
For you that it might be to start wearing what makes you feel happy rather than what the society dictates. I know for a lot of people around the world this itself is a big thing. But we all have to start somewhere and it is best that we do so from a point of least resistance. So choose your path of least resistance.
4. Be prepared for confrontation, eventually
Most of us do not like to be confrontational. At least I know that I don’t. However, this entire process deems it necessary to stand up to people at some point, sooner than later. The more you try to delay that, the more you shy away from the goal.
Hence you have to prepare yourself mentally that there will come a time when you will have to confront others about your decisions. It actually seems harder than it really is. Having said that, you can only do it when you are ready and for that, you should take all the time that you need.
Ultimately, you yourself will know when the right moment comes.
5. Be self-ish
Being selfish is different from being self-centered. There are times when it is absolutely necessary to put yourself first so that you can be a better version for others. Being self-centered, on the other hand, means that you can only think of your gains over others and that is certainly not a preferable trait.
Knowing when to say “no” is an absolute must. Be polite yet firm in your rejections. At the same time, always give priority to your mental health over anything else.
To Sum it Up
As social creatures, we are never truly free from what others think and opine about us. And at some level, it functions as a necessary restraint in the case our actions become too wayward. However, being totally influenced by the opinions of others is never cool. Ultimately, the answer lies in finding the right balance.
Peace.
Do you have any related experience or story to tell? Please share in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.
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