How I Finally Learned To Accept Myself And Found Calmness

I found c almness in my life the instant I learned to accept myself for who I am.

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance.
Brené Brown

As children, we are often taught to be kind to others. But we are seldom told to practice that same kindness on ourselves. As a result, many of us grow up being quite self-critical. Then as the years pass by, we begin to understand that to be truly kind towards others, we first have to show self-compassion.

And for me, that journey began with learning to accept myself.

What Started It

I am the classic Type A personality. Always trying to achieve things my way, always striving to be perfect. Even as a little girl, I worked extra hard to perform my best. I can also be quite dominant when I want to be.

But with time I have come to realize that this particular facet of my disposition causes me so much stress. The constant need to be in control and be flawless took a heavy toll on my mental health. Anxiety and stress slowly crept up on me.

At this stage, my biggest struggle was not being able to accept myself for who I am. I was constantly trying to live up to the notion of the “ideal” me. Any aspect that did not sync with that image was shoved right under the carpet.

But everyone has their limit. I reached mine eventually, that too during the height of the pandemic.

And I was humbled, to say the least.

The Desire To Change Something

The global pandemic changed our lives in more ways than one. As for myself, it forced me to evaluate my priorities. Did I really need to be so concerned about achieving perfection?

The answer was a loud and clear no.

The sky wouldn’t fall on my head if I let things go a bit. Instead, it could actually bring me more calmness.

I had to learn to accept myself. Only then would I see positive change in my life.

The thing about desire is that it can be a force to reckon with. Especially with time. That’s exactly what happened to me. Once I wanted to change, I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind.

It was time I took steps towards learning to accept myself and let go of certain limiting beliefs.

The 5 Things I Did To Learn To Accept Myself

All things said and done, self-acceptance is not easy. It can take years for some folks to walk down that path. It usually takes a lot of patience and prioritizing self-compassion constantly.

So how did I learn to accept myself as I am? Well, I try to focus on these five things mainly. Before we delve into these practices, I would like to remind you that it is still a work in progress. It might remain that way for the foreseeable future because we are constantly evolving as human beings.

1. Knowing My “Why”

My journey toward learning to accept myself started the instant I began questioning what mattered to me. It commenced with knowing my “why”. What is it that matters to me the most?

For me, the answer to that question is living a life of enoughness.

The moment I had that answer, everything fell into place. I began to understand my yearning for a homestead. It made sense why I used to be so stressed when I had a corporate job. It also clarified why I am always looking for ways to simplify things- be it chores around the house, our family’s schedule, or finding a new way to solve an engineering problem as a grad student.

For years I fought this inner war of trying to balance my desires with societal expectations. But when I finally acknowledged to myself that I was enough, I found some immediate calm.

2. Balancing My Strengths and Weaknesses

It pays off to know and understand both our strengths and weaknesses. For a long time, I didn’t pay attention to this aspect of myself.

However, when I started to make a conscious effort to understand this, I found it possible to accept myself for who I am. For the first time in years, I could get past what should be and focus on what is.

Most of us are very conscious of what we perceive as our weaknesses. We also can sometimes forget to appreciate what we are good at. For me, real change happened when I acknowledged both and learned to use one as the foil to the other.

3. Practicing Gratitude and Affirmations

I am sure you have heard about the power of gratitude and affirmations. It is true that when we look at things from the eyes of thankfulness, life seems different.

In today’s world, it is crucial to seek out things to be thankful for. It is our responsibility to find the good and the light in the dark times. At the same time, it is also essential to practice affirmations to give ourselves hope for the coming days.

For me, learning to accept myself became possible when I started practicing gratitude and affirmations. I keep it simple. Some days it’s just a quick thank you to the universe for giving me the life I have. On other days it’s a prayer said at bedtime, asking for protection for my family.

Whatever this ritual looks like for you, practicing it will immensely impact your life.

4. Creating Boundaries

Setting firm boundaries helped me to take back control of my life. I am by no means a people pleaser. But even then, I found myself failing to say no at times.

And it was making me unhappy. So, I knew I needed to change this part.

But it is not easy. However controversial it sounds, you need to be a tad bit selfish to be able to create boundaries for your good.

However, it was extremely important for me to learn to say no at times to fully accept myself for who I am.

No, I am glad I mustered the courage to do this. Gone are the days of saying yes to every social obligation, and I am happier.

5. Getting Off The Auto Pilot

When I became a mother, I got into this habit of just doing things on auto-pilot. And so, for the first year of my baby’s life, I just survived.

I hated myself for that.

As time passed, I consciously tried to slow down and stop doing things automatically. I started practicing mindfulness again. I began asking myself why I needed to do certain tasks in a certain way. This made me intentional with my time and efforts, making it easier to love myself more and more.

It taught me to be kind to myself in the end.